Gratitude Challenge – Day 4

Is heartbreak a negative thing?

My heart breaks every day. Sometimes it breaks because of disappointment. Sometimes it’s because of an empathetic connection to another’s pain. Sometimes it’s a story or a song. Whatever the cause, my heart breaks on the regular.

That’s why I’ve become a bit guarded, to put it lightly. I’m sensitive, so I have a hard time opening up to people. I don’t let folks in easily. It’s hard for me to trust.

That’s everybody, right?

Not exactly. My best Gal Pal isn’t really like that. She’s been hurt so often in life, and yet her spirit is so open. Her heart is so full of love and her life reflects that. She’s lowkey my role model. In my fantasies, I can dance and spin through life with her ease and determination.

But in my reality, I’m just plain ol’ me. I’m mostly head, with a whole lot of heart. Heart that doesn’t get a whole lot of nurturing attention. Heart that doesn’t work very well.

Or, it works, I’m just not really sure how. Or why.

I am sure that I am not brave. I try so hard to avoid heartbreak that I end up existing in a sort of self-inflicted perpetual heartbreak. That’s what I know.

How can I be grateful for that?

I am currently experiencing a different kind of heartbreak. I allowed myself to be a bit less guarded, for a small period of time and it paid off. Only now, I’m heartbroken. This new kind of heartbreak is more pointed than the usual daily aches.

This heartbreak has totally wrecked me.

Everytime I allow myself to feel it, my whole body flushes, my stomach drops, and my eyes well up with tears. This heartbreak is one that I haven’t felt for a long time.

This particular heartbreak is a reminder of everything I have to gain by choosing to be brave. It’s glorious. I feel alive.

And I can certainly be grateful for that.